So here’s the deal, I don’t like it when Summer ends. Why? well for one reason, I have to go back to standardized tests, Beige colored classrooms, and a mix of crazy professors. I made it clear I do not like being in school, but enough of that. What did I do this summer?
I was a Summer Bummer. I had no summer classes, and no trips planned. Yeah I went out with friends but not enough to make this summer memorable. I immersed myself in crafting. I finished my first ever cross stitch, and I became obsessed with Rainbow Loom. I read books. I finished The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, and Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I did finish Paper Towns by John Green, but I didn’t like it. It felt weird, I don’t know if it was with the metaphors, the unrealistic characters, or I don’t know, there was something about that book I didn’t like.
Most of my friends in University graduated this summer. I will walk to my university gates all alone. That scares me.
Summer is over, time to switch my flip-flops for my rain boots, my loom for my laptop, and my laziness for my productivity.
Did it hurt when you landed on the concrete?
is the jump worth it?
the freeing moment you felt before you crashed,
was it beautiful?
did everything flash through your eyes?
or did you feel being limbo?
to let go of troubles, love, life, promises of forever
was it worth it?
does dying mean freedom?
*i wrote it in this format,
I’ve been listening to this song over and over. I’m with the big dark cloud again and I can’t get out. This song is helping me get through the days. I know it’s the season of celebrating, but my brain is overdosing on hormones and can’t get the with seasons.
“When you’re lost and can’t be found,
just lift your head and stand your ground.
It’s always dark before the dawn,
so raise your voice and sing this song…”
This song’s entire message is positivity. Everyone needs positivity. Even if I’m not getting on the Holiday spirit, I’m still positive that I’ll be okay. (It’s ironic how I’m depressed but still positive) Things will get better and this will be my anthem. Thanks Tyler Duncan, Theo Katzman, and Michelle Chamuel for spreading positive vibes through music!
It’s one of those nights were my thoughts are spilling out of my brain. Thoughts about my future, my relationships, and even the most random shit.
I just thought about making a movie that revolves around a bunny serial killer.
Science says that over thinking is not good for the brain. I think otherwise, yes it may make you over analyze things or make you more conscious but it helps you make proper decisions. Over thinking can help sort your priorities and compartmentalize the bad thoughts from the good ones.
Over thinking is like a cardio workout for your brain… It makes you tired but it’s good for you. (I think)
So today I went to Subspace Coffee House for a cup of their famous Purple Potato Latte. My mom and her friends were with me. It wasn’t my first time to go there but whenever I step inside… It feels like a playground.
We sat at the back, you can see stickers, Korean pop stars posters, and super cool art. It has this vintage feel to it. Their coffee isn’t the only thing that’s good, it’s what they do to the coffee.
This is Brent (I asked his name and for a picture for this blog. Dude was nice) he made a birthday cake design on one cup for my mom’s friend coz it was her birthday, then he asked what I had a request off the bat I said “Harry Potter”.
I would definitely go back, everyday if I could. The coffee is great, the chocolate lava cake was amazeballs, and the overall experience is chill.
I started with my preliminary exams today. They weren’t that difficult but it makes me wonder about exams. Why do we need them? Is it for the teacher to know that we learned the lessons? What happens if the students’ are different learners who aren’t good at exams but are excited to learn… how about them? do we push them to conform to the standardized way of teaching? If they fail do we call them stupid or lazy? We always say people were born to do great things and that no two persons are alike, so why do we have school or exams? I mean education is very important it is the power that every person should have, but if school makes standardized tests then aren’t we making them normal and not unique? I guess I’m wrong or right… I don’t really know. My mind is a mess today from all the stress I had to endure.
Michelle Chamuel is the next big thing. She really is, she’s true to herself, her songs are relatable, and she’s independent. She is not signed to any label and yet she reached the iTunes top 200 at number 30 and her alter-ego “The Reverb Junkie” even reached the Billboard Charts.She was the front woman of the band Ella Riot (check them out!), the band is on an indefinite haitus. She was the runner-up on the fourth season of NBC’s The Voice, she was part of Team Usher. Her amazing vocals, her trying not to let the glam team change her looks, and her powerful squats (she does them on high notes for breath control) rocked people’s minds and made her a contender. I’m happy she didn’t win because if she did then she’ll be with a label… and she won’t probably be as hands on with her websites.
Almost all her songs are written/produced/composed by her. (yes, she’s that talented.) but she is truly humble, and kind to her fans (Frans as she calls them… us.) She handles all of her websites and sells her music over the net. It amazes me that her album “All I Want” made the charts with just a few tweets and posts. She is just so likable I can’t stop fangirling. (I’m sorry)
I love her because she made me realize the true power of music, how it can affect your life in a totally different way. I finally realized how great David Bowie and Fleetwood Mac because she made me listen to theirs songs in a totally different way. Her song “Worth” made me cry and made me realize the complexity of how we measure someone’s worth and even our own worth.
Her new single which was co-written by Theo Katzman and Tyler Duncan is amazing. It’s called “Go Down Singing” which is about being true to yourself and not letting other people knock you down. Yes, these kind of songs are common but hers just radiates so much emotion and the drums… THE DRUMS ARE AMAZING OKAY?? and her vocals are just heavenly. It’s very catchy.
She makes me want to be a better person by not judging people, by being who I truly am, and staying kind.
check out her pages!
It’s been two months since I was officially diagnosed with Depression. I had it for six years… actually I still have it.
I’ve been taking my meds everyday since the doctor gave them to me, at first things were going smoothly. I didn’t get crying spells anymore, I felt more outgoing, and I wasn’t that anxious about stuff. Now it seems like things are going downhill. I’ve been irritable to the extent that I sometimes refuse to talk to people. I don’t want to leave my bed. I don’t want to attend class anymore. It feels like the big dark cloud is hanging over my head again.
It’s hard not to hide these emotions because of how people would react. Even telling my best friends about my struggle is hard, because even if Depression is common and widely known, people still think that it’s a state of mind. It isn’t a state of mind, if it is then would be easy to get out of the big dark cloud. They’ll always say that “you know just don’t be sad. Be happy.” Depression isn’t all about being sad and it’s okay to feel sad, because Depression makes you numb, makes you feel like you are not living and being sad, feeling sad makes you feel alive. It makes you thankful for the happy moments that happen. Feeling sad makes you not numb and it makes you hopeful that if you feel that sadness… then you can feel happiness.
I guess the thing with Depression is that it won’t go away but you can control it. It’s a chemical thing, I guess if you increase the endorphins in your brain you won’t be stuck in that lifeless feeling. Crying helps release the stress that I’ve been keeping. It helps me empty a bucket full of dirty water.
Sometimes I wish I was like the other people who don’t have Depression. That it’s easy for them to live, but then I remember that life is amazing even if the struggle is there. It makes you thankful for everything you’ve ever felt.